The only reason
by yesimadramaqueen
Summary: "Running. That was what the Doctor did best. And how he wanted to run." Rose talks to the Doctor about why he went after the girl in the fireplace, and he knows that there's only one reason. Missing scene from episode 2.4. My take on a popular fic topic, aka making sense of the episode that didn't quite fit with the series in my opinion. Short one shot. 10/Rose


He figured that Rose would talk to him. Okay, maybe he deserved it. He did leave her behind with Mickey, no plan in place, and it could have ended quite terribly. The verbal thrashing was something he would accept graciously, making his apologies and briskly moving past it. However, he was not prepared for any other questions she might have about the event and Madame de Pompadour herself.

It was hours after they were safe on the TARDIS. He was tinkering in the console room and assumed that Rose and Mickey were asleep. In fact, he was starting to believe that Rose Tyler wouldn't mention anything after all. When he heard her little feet approaching, he sighed and prepared himself for the chiding. He wasn't about to initiate, though. No, he was going to keep busy as long as possible until she spoke first. Avoidance was always a good thing.

"Doctor."

And there it was.

"Rose, shouldn't you be asleep?" he responded, sticking his head as far down in the console as possible.

"I couldn't."

"Mr. Mickey snoring too loudly?" he countered.

"No. Can you stop fidgeting and actually look at me for a second?"

He pulled himself away and turned towards her, smiling gently at the fluffy jimjams and bunny slippers that were no doubt from her childhood. "What's on your mind?"

Though he appeared calm, his hearts were pounding out of time. He didn't like it when Rose was yelling at him. He hated it, actually. That's the last thing he wanted. She should be laughing or grinning with him, not angry and upset. When she was upset, he was upset. Simple as that. But, instead of yelling or seeming the least bit cross, she sat down peacefully.

"I understand that you save people. It's what you do. And you're impulsive. Making up things as you go along. I get that. It's just…I have a question about what happened earlier."

He blinked, in shock by her reaction. "All right…"

"Did you save her because it's what you do, or did you save her because you loved her?"

The question hung heavily in the air. He pretended that he didn't hear her correctly to buy himself more time. "What was that?"

"You heard me. I know you did."

He wanted to run into the depths of the TARDIS where she would never find him. After all, that's what he did best. He ran from danger, he ran to danger, he ran from death, he ran to save a life, he ran for fun, and he ran because he had to. Not only that, he ran from the time vortex in his youth and hadn't stopped since. Earlier, he ran to the girl in the fireplace to save her life. Running. That was what the Doctor did best. And how he wanted to run.

He could say that he ran to her because she was a fixed point in time and had to live, but that wouldn't be the truth. He could say that it was because he made a promise to protect her and had to keep it, but that was no good because he broke his promise to Rose in the process. _No, not you_. He told Rose, swearing that he wouldn't leave her behind. That led him to the real reason behind his rash decision to ride a horse through the window, which was just another form of running away. Running from Rose Tyler and everything she meant to him.

"Doctor?" Rose asked cautiously. "You look like you've just spaced out."

"Right. Sorry. Did I love her? That was the question?"

Rose rolled her eyes. "Yes."

"No. I didn't. I mean, she was attractive and very intelligent. Quite a woman, really."

"But you'd have been happy with her if you were trapped on the slow path?"

"It's the slow path. I wouldn't be happy on the slow path no matter what," he argued, despite the whispers in the back of his mind. _I would be if it were with Rose._

"So why did you save her?" Rose pushed.

"You said it. It's what I do."

"You left me behind to do it," she announced, looking more distraught than angry. "Not so much as a word, Doctor. You were just gone. I was trapped here and I didn't know if you'd be back."

He scoffed. "I come back. I always do. And it's not like you were alone. You had Mickey."

_I let you keep Mickey. _He hated that a Time Lord could be jealous of an idiot like him, but he couldn't help it. Mickey could be with Rose. Mickey _was_ with Rose. They were together and he had to sit back and watch, knowing that they could spend their lives together. _You can spend the rest of your life with me, but I can't spend the rest of mine with you. I have to live on. Alone._

"Might as well have been alone," Rose joked with a strange look in her eyes like sadness or discontent.

"It all worked out. So that's that," he shrugged, turning to work on the console.

Rose wasn't finished. "Why do I feel like it's not? You're not telling me something."

"What would I possibly be hiding?" he challenged.

"You did love her."

"What? No, no. I told you that I didn't. She was brilliant, but…" _not Rose._

"But what?"

"Famous. History. Even if I did love her, it wouldn't be appropriate for time lines and all that."

She laughed mirthlessly. "Right there. That's an excuse. If you loved her, you loved her."

"Why are you wondering?"

"I just want to know."

"Well, I've told you. I didn't love her."

"You'd risk losing the TARDIS and your entire life for her."

"Not for her."

He swallowed hard, remembering the exact moment that he figured out that he was in love with Rose. Well, he'd always known on some level, but it wasn't until Sarah Jane came back that he truly understood how different Rose was. He almost admitted it too. _Imagine watching that happen to someone you…_ love. Someone you love, that's what he was going to say. And it terrified him. He wanted to run right then. There was no way he was in love with a human. It would only end in heartache. He'd lose her and break in half. So, he ran away. He lost her first, galloping into the arms of a blond French girl that was much too similar to his Rose. Mickey could stay with Rose and he'd be on the slow path, free to fall out of love and spare his hearts the pain.

"All right," Rose answered quietly. "Whatever you say."

"No, don't do that. Don't."

"Don't do what?"

"Imply that I'm not telling you the truth."

She smiled and stood up, motioning towards her room. "I need sleep. Mickey will wake up if I'm gone for too long."

"Rose," he groaned. "Why won't you believe me?"

"Love is the only reason I can think of for you to leave me behind like that."

He stared into her eyes deeply, hoping that would explain everything. "You're right."

Her face fell. "Thank you for being honest, Doctor. Goodnight."

She hurried off to her room and he slumped against the console. He wanted to run after her to tell her that she misunderstood, but for once he was done running. Someday, she'd know. He knew that she would…

_Rose Tyler, I love you._

_**End.**_


End file.
